Lockdown Blues.

“Freaking lockdown…”

A phrase I have uttered far too many times for a lifetime, let alone a year. Lockdown, that dreaded word, that cursed word. We perhaps have heard this word more so than prisoners do, yet were are law abiding citizens.

But this isn’t an essay on human rights, legal matters or whatever claims people want to throw at the situation. This is just words on the empty feeling that I myself have felt for the better part of a year: Lockdown blues.

Lockdown, lockdown, lockdown, lockdown — say the word four times for the amount of times we’ve had to lockdown in Melbourne. We must do it, though, as they say. It must be done to defeat this virus. The virus spreads, it’s contagious and it can be deadly, so we must lockdown to beat it and stop this outbreak.

But we have done that. We did that for the better part of last year. We stayed home, we wore masks, we isolated, we closed our businesses, all in the name of beating this virus.

How many more times must we be asked to lockdown? How many more times must we be asked to close our businesses, to work from home, to stay away from our loved ones? How many more times can governments, both state and federal, make mistakes with hotel quarantine and let the virus out in the city? We have a vaccine, yet we are still locking down? When will it end?

“You’ve got this, Melbourne.” But how many times have we ‘got this’? Well wishes are nice and all, but please try telling the restauranteur who’s had to close their shop, which they have worked tirelessly to build for years, that they’ve ‘got this’? Please tell young children, already stressing through their years of schooling, that they’ve ‘got this’? There’s only so many times you can be offered words of encouragement that the words become meaningless. No one really ‘has this’, because the effects grow more and more damaging with each major lockdown.

Truth be told, being told that we’ve ‘got this’, may drive us crazy.

Perhaps delving too far into my personal life, but I work in banking. Several times I’ve had to receive calls from customers who’ve detailed their struggles through COVID-19, and it’s terrible, it’s heartbreaking. I’ve heard tears on the phone, almost bringing myself to tears. Several times this past week of lockdown I’ve had the dire strain it’s hard on Melburnians put upon me.

This isn’t a sob story for me, for I am lucky that I have managed somewhat okay through the pandemic, but working in this sector has highlighted just how hard people are struggling. It’s easy to understand why they feel the world is against them, for everything has been taken from them thanks to forces out of their control.

Now with this lockdown, there is hardly any protection from the government. Businesses are expected to close and come up with their own ways of making an income and paying their staff. At least last time, there was JobKeeper that helped out somewhat, but this time there is hardly enough of substance.

Hearing these stories, feeling what people are going through, there’s only so much one can take. A few times already I’ve had to step aside from work momentarily to clear my head. That’s just me from my fortunate position. Imagine what those pour souls are going through.

But here, may be the real source of my lockdown blues.

Socially, I am extroverted, so you could imagine what these lockdowns have done to extroverts like myself. I thrive among people, but perhaps it’s because I’ve felt loneliness before. I’ve felt what it’s like to feel as though there was no one to love me, and I’m certain I’m not the only one. These feelings of loneliness are only compounded by lockdown. The several months we enjoyed without any lockdowns were a blessing. We all could move on with our lives and forget the worst times that were placed upon us. Yet, they’ve been brought back.

At the risk of this appearing as a ‘woe is me’ type piece, I cannot leave out the fact that as a single person, still living at home with my family, I and others like myself have been essentially left by the wayside. Singles living out of home can still have their ‘bubble’ and invite an odd companion over. Couples can routinely visit each other, even past the arbitrary 10km radial limit. Even singles who live with housemates have their friends and likeminded people and similarly aged individuals to cheer their way through lockdown. Married couples of course have each other, till death do them part. As for those in my relationship situation? Nothing.

I don’t want to complain, but it would be nice to be given some form of options to fill the need for humans to socialise. Mental health is already at an all time low — mine included, admittedly — so this would do wonders to improve it tenfold for several people. Then again, singles as a whole can be treated as undesirables by elements of the society and the community. Then again, it’s hard for singles to find a relationship when we are constantly being prevented from socialising in the first place.

Prior to this lockdown I’ve experienced issues with my mental health. I was suffering from — and still sometimes do — forms of anxiety. I know I’m not the only one and I know that this has made it several times worse. It would be rude to downplay what others are going through, relative to your own, for we are all fighting are own battles. We are all angry, scared, nervous, frustrated and exhausted.

Now, keeping myself and others going through similar or worse situations locked down really does amplify the dark thoughts and ill feelings we experience.

I miss the gym. I miss my favourite cafes and restaurants. I miss seeing my friends. I miss going to church. I miss playing sport. I miss watching sport. I miss visiting my family. I miss it all. I want it back. I don’t ever want it to be taken away from me.

I’m not really trying to make a point here. That last little segment was just cathartic. I hope you’ll understand.

It’s true then. Indeed, this really is lockdown blues…